The Practices Are Not the Point: Learning to Abide in God

The Search for a Better Version of Ourselves

The world is constantly telling us that life could be better. We don’t own the right things, follow the right people, read the right books or practise the right habits. We’re encouraged to believe that if we can just find the right method, we’ll finally become the person we’ve always wanted to be. Happier. Freer. More fulfilled. Of course, there’s usually a price tag attached.

The global self-help industry is estimated to generate approximately $12 – $14 billion a year! That’s a lot of advice, ideas and information being sold.

Yet, as a follower of Jesus, I’ve come to realise something different. Lasting transformation isn’t something we achieve through sheer determination. It is something God does within us as we learn to surrender to Him.

Why Trying Harder Isn’t Enough

This struggle isn’t new. Long before podcasts, online courses and life coaches, the apostle Paul described his frustration of trying to change himself through willpower alone. 

“But I need something more! For if I know the law but can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realise that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.” (Romans 7:17-20 The Message)

Paul’s words describe a battle many of us know too well. We know the kind of people we long to become. We make promises. We work hard to become better. Yet somehow we find ourselves repeating the same patterns, wrestling with the same temptations and carrying the same disappointments.

This is the tension every follower of Jesus lives with.

Made New, Yet Still Learning to Remain

The moment we place our trust in Jesus, something extraordinary happens. We become, as Paul says, “a new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Everything changes. Your past is forgiven. Your relationship with God is restored. You are no longer defined by your old life but by your new identity in Christ.

Jesus didn’t simply improve you.

He made you new.

So why do we struggle? Why is that no matter how hard we try we seem to end up back where we started?

On the one hand we have been made new. On the other, we still wrestle with what the Bible calls “the flesh”–our old patterns, desires and ways of living.

Every day there is a battle between the life of God’s kingdom and the pull of our old nature.

The Invitation is Not to Try Harder, But to Remain

So, where do we go from here? If trying harder isn’t the answer, what is?

The answer to our struggle isn’t greater effort. It is learning to remain with the One who is already at work in us.

God’s invitation to us is not to work harder – but to stay closer.

Jesus himself spoke about this using one of the simplest–and, for me as a gardener, one of the most beautiful–pictures in the Bible.

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you… I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15 4-5 NIV)

Fruit Comes From Remaining Connected

Notice what Jesus doesn’t say.

He doesn’t say, “Try harder.”

He doesn’t say, “Become a better branch.”

He doesn’t even say, “Produce more fruit.”

He simply says, “Remain in me.”

I’ve spent enough time in gardens to know that fruit doesn’t appear because a branch works hard to produce it. It appears because it stays connected to the vine. That’s its only job. The life that produces the fruit flows from its connection to the vine. Everything the branch needs flows from the vine. If the branch becomes separated then its life source is broken. It will wither and die.

The same is true of us. 

We don’t manufacture patience.

We don’t force ourselves into peace.

We don’t grit our teeth until we become more loving.

The fruit of the Spirit is exactly that–fruit. It grows naturally as we remain connected to Jesus. Our part is not to produce the fruit but to remain connected to the Vine.

I’ve often noticed this in my own garden. I can’t hurry a tomato plant into fruiting or persuade an apple tree to blossom early. Growth has its own quiet rhythm. My job is to tend the soil, water when needed and let life do what only life can do.

Perhaps our spiritual lives are much the same.

The life of Jesus flows into us as we remain connected to Him.

I’m sure we can all recall times in our lives when we have had little space for God. I know this from experience. It’s always when life gets busy that my time with Him is the first thing to be squeezed out. Ironically, it’s in those very seasons–when I most need His peace and presence–that I allow the noise to crowd Him out. At the times when I most need to rest in His presence I seem to be the furthest from it. I know that’s on me, not God. 

God hasn’t moved.

He never does.

I have.

And when I drift, I soon notice the difference. Peace gives way to anxiety. Rest is replaced by hurry. I begin relying on my own strength instead of His.

The Practices Create Space, They Don’t Produce Transformation

Jesus never invited people to follow a programme.

He invited them to follow Him.

The practices of slowing, silence, solitude, simplicity, Sabbath and many others are not techniques that transform us. They are simple ways of making space. In a world that constantly demands our attention, these practices gently return our attention to God.

They don’t earn His presence. They help us become attentive to the presence He has promised is always with us.

In a noisy world, silence helps me hear. https://lifeofrhythm.com/2026/06/08/creating-space-for-god-in-a-noisy-world/

In a hurried world, slowing helps me notice. https://lifeofrhythm.com/2026/05/26/from-hurry-to-the-unforced-rhythms-of-grace/

In a crowded world, solitude reminds me that I am never alone. https://lifeofrhythm.com/2026/06/15/solitude-making-space-to-be-with-god/

In a complicated world, simplicity helps me remember what matters most. https://lifeofrhythm.com/2026/06/22/what-does-it-mean-to-live-a-simple-life/

Each one helps us create space.

Space to listen.

Space to notice.

Space to slow down.

Space to be aware of God’s presence.

We don’t practise them because they contain some hidden power.

We practise them because they help us to be with the One who does.

The Goal Has Always Been Jesus

The world will continue to promise a better version of ourselves if only we buy, learn or achieve a little more.

Jesus offers something entirely different.

He offers Himself.

And as we learn to remain with Him, day after day, the Holy Spirit gently reshapes our hearts, our desires and our lives until, little by little, we are transformed into the people we were always created to be.

The goal has never been to master the practices.

The goal has always been to know Jesus more deeply.

As we remain with Him, we discover that transformation isn’t something we achieve.

It is the quiet work of the Father in hearts that have learned to make space to be with Him.

The world says, “Become a better version of yourself.”

Jesus simply says, “Remain in Me.”

If you're wondering how to make abiding part of your everyday life, you might enjoy my article on creating a simple Rule of Life.